On July 3rd, 1979, exactly 33 years ago my life was at a turning point like today, on July 3rd, 2012, when I open this blog.
33 years ago in the New Year’s Eve I had a stroke in brain and after a week in coma I found myself in hospital totally paralysed and unable to speak. After a half year hospital treatment I got a place in a rehabilitation centre. Cold winter and the Christmas Star blossoming on the windowsill in the patient room of the hospital were changed over to verdant park view. I sat in wheelchair and was still unable to speak. As I thought about my future I coudn’t see anything. As I thought about myself it raised a question within me: “Who am I?”
I have believed that past decades have already shown me who I am. But when I sit beside my desk now and think about my future I feel that I am groping for a new rehabilitation passage and a question raises in my mind: “Who am I?”
The question does not contain anxiety like 33 ago as I was less than twenty years old and without broader perspective on life. It rather raises out of pure curiosity. It also contains a question: “Who do I want to be?”
The answer is important, because it determines who I will become. In other words: how will I begin to fulfill myself. I have already achieved more than I considered possible with my supplies and I am grateful for everything, but I feel that I have got stuck with my life. I am locked into my practices. Or rather, I have shackled myself to something that keeps me from experiencing life in all its fullness as I would like to. Past experiences seem to be irrelevant. I feel that I have to make a quantum jump, enormous leap in order to create a fulfilling future.
Over 30 years ago I began to write a book of my experiences with the initial name Glow in the Darkness. Writing was therapy for me, but my initial purpose was to share my experience with others. Now when I am starting a new life passage I continue my writings in this blog under the same name as my old writings.
I have always tried to see everything as objective as possible and I have analysed my thoughts on theoretical level without mixing too much emotions in them. Because of that I have viewed also myself from outsiders point of view. I am somewhat stranger also to myself. From now on I want to look inside, become familiar with my emotions: Let feelings tell me, what I think and want. Let them give wings to thoughts and help me and others get rid of deadlocked way of thinking and create positive energy.
This role I’ve been given (Gallery)
En Route (Gallery)
Youtube Videos:Enigma: Beyond Invisible