Just before the fatal New Years Eve I had finished the curriculum of my school. I had only the final exam before me that was needed to seal the school education.
I had accomplished the first tests as I was in rehabilitation centre. In spring 1980 I completed the second part of the exam.
Someone thought I should focus on physical rehabilitation. They thought that as I had a physical handicap education was irrelevant, because no certificates can give me more muscle power and better my practical skills.
To my mind there was also no guarantee that focusing on physical rehabilitation my state would become better. Not even doctors could say, how my rehabilitation would progress.
They said that my disability was a result of a stroke in brain, but they couldn’t find anything in my brain that would have referred to a stroke. They had made a diagnose according to my symptoms. But if they didn’t know the history (cause) of my handicap, how much did they actually know about it?
I thought that under no circumstances should I throw away the years when I had been busy with school, although I myself questioned the importance of everything we had learned. First and foremost I should take care of my mental well-being and in regard to that education would be very important. If I didn’t take care of my mental well-being my physical being would soon come to an end as it happened to my mother. Although the suicide of my mother didn’t directly result of mental sickness, but that is a whole other story.
I thought that only conscious focusing on things would help me analyse the world. And the fact was that regardless of what I wanted to study later I had to have a certificate of my previous studies.
So, I put my whole energy to pass the final exam. Languages were my strength, so my exam consisted mostly of language tests. Before the stroke I had a vision that I will become a translator. My handicap threatened that goal, but achieving it was still possible.
I believed that I could set me any goal I wanted to and if it inspired me enough I could achieve it. I could become a belly dancer, if I wanted to.