When one has lived as a woman in a relatively democratic society, where one doesn’t need to worry about own safety all the time the opinions expressed in the film sounded incomprehensible. It is not unthinkable that rapists have opinions that a woman herself is responsible for rape and in order to avoid further damage she should just allow everything happen. One can hear this kind of opinions also in this part of the world.
It is insane that state administration has public servants, who think that a woman is an object, who’s value is in her appearance and it adds value, when she brings honour and glory to his husband and then she can be put on a stand. Otherwise a woman has no place in the society.
It makes me think that the rapists are just repeating the words upon the advice of their defence lawyers. This tells how deep the problems are implanted in culture and society, which is probably the real reason why the government of India banned the documentary.
It is no use to blame individual citizens or separate units for the problems. We are all foster children of our society and we adopt (more or less willing) the norms and rules of the society. Who can blame others for that? Guilty party also for this fatal rape are parents, grandmothers and grandfathers, who forward their sons their own attitude that girls and women have no value.
Although the problems are multifaceted the solution is simple. In order to make my viewpoint clear in this matter I tell you my rape-experience that happened in the spring less than a year before I became disabled.
The snow had melted and we went to have our school gymnastics lessons to a nearby sports field, where we could arrange running races, long jump etc. After one lesson a handsome young man came to talk to me. We had a nice chit-chat and he told me that he worked in a bowling alley that was a stone’s throw away from the department store where I worked. He even knew one of my co-worker. We changed telephone numbers and made an agreement that we will be in contact later.
One evening he called me and suggested that we’ll meet in his apartment. I was not delighted of the idea, because he was practically a complete stranger to me. My colleague had told me that he was recently divorced. I thought that he must be lonely and needs someone to talk to, so I agreed to meet him. My reluctance vanished when I thought that I can bring him a fresh spirit from another world.
We spent a cosy evening drinking beer. At some point in the evening he made me clear that he wanted sex from me, by force, if not otherwise. He thought it was the only reason why I had come to see him.
I had never had sexual relations. I was prepared to meet him on mental level. It was mean that he tried to force me to do something I didn’t want. He stripped my clothes and drag me down to his bed. I saw no way out of the situation. As I was lying on bed under him I asked him: “Why do you demand from me something you certainly don’t want yourself: that someone forces you to do something you don’t want? First and foremost it is mental abuse.”
He appeared to be listening to me. I continued talking, although at the time on the level of ego-consciousness I didn’t quite understand myself what I was talking about. It was my inner being, who don’t speculate or change his views, who had started speaking. During the past decades I have learned to understand my inner being and in this writing I try to gather my thoughts, which are very simple.
Treat other people as you want them to treat yourself. People we meet and relationships we build are reflecting our own inner world. By belittling and despising another person we don’t exalt ourselves or make ourselves look better. We experience the same belittling and despising attitude toward ourselves from other people. It is the law of attraction.
People who have understood this it is the spice of life: to get other people voluntarily to co-operate, to live in symbiosis with yourself. Symbiosis that gives everyone the freedom to manifest one’s real self and where everyone benefits from the coexistence is important not only for the sake of good cooperation.
In a free, loving interaction people have the opportunity for mental and spiritual growth. When we see that other people are reflecting ourselves we get direct feedback of our own mind-set. And it tunes our antenna – DNA – to register more subtle frequencies of life.
I talked to the ‘rapist’ for hours of the deeper meanings of life, as far as I with the understanding of 18 year old could grab the words that were rising from within. He listened without doing anything to me. I was surprised and relieved when he offered to take me home as the day was dawning.
As he was driving me home we didn’t change a word. After reaching the parking area of my dwelling I exited the car without saying a word and went home. In a distance I heard him call my name, but I could think only one thing: I had still two hours time to sleep before I had to wake up and prepare for school.
What should we do, if the mirror is showing a picture we don’t like?
After I had watched the documentary ‘India’s Daughter’ I watched also many related videos and read some discussions. They all had a similar message: Some women have waited for years, if not for decades to get justice. In discussion forums people demand that the rapists should be hanged as soon as possible and in that way take responsibility for their crimes.
But do the women get justice when a couple of hardened criminals are hung, who don’t even understand themselves what their crime is?
Our sympathy is on the side of the raped women, but when we look at the overall picture the rapists are the opposite side of the mirror. Things doesn’t change when we break the mirror or shoot the messanger.
The society as a whole has to take responsibility of the crimes. Women get justice only when the society works in a way that no-one has to be afraid to be raped. In that way also the experiences of the raped women have a meaning in the evolution.
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India’s Daughter (no link)