We have a year of the Earth Pig before us (5.2.2019 – 24.1.2020). As an animal pig has been so important in China that a Chinese character with the meaning of home and family has a pig under a roof (pig = 豬, home or family = 家). I am an Earth Pig from 1959 and I feel that the coming year will be my year. Not only a feeling inside me points to that, but also the past decades. All the pig years – 1971, 1983, 1995 and 2007 – have been some kind of turning points in my life.
They have not been milestones in the sense that I would have achieved particular success in those years, but they have been turning points, in which my spiritual growth and independence have taken a new direction.
When the pig year started in 1971 I was 11 years old. My mother had died a few months earlier and I and my siblings moved to a foster home. When I had no parents I felt that I, only myself was accountable for my actions in every respect. As a child and in the early years of my youth, I could never indulge in my passions or temptations and go with the flow. I wanted to control everything in my life.
When I started my first love affair, this tight self-control caused a huge dissonance within me that led to my disease and ended the relationship. My severe physical disability forced me to look at myself and the world from a new perspective. The feeling of independence and responsibility strengthened and in the pig year 1983 I moved to my first own home, where I was able to carry out my true self. Shortly thereafter I came to faith and the Bible became the bedrock of my life.
My belief in Christ healed me mentally. I was surrounded by most delightful, tangible loving energy. I was “high”. I felt I was floating. People experience something similar when they fall in love. I no longer saw the world and other people as a threat, but people were more or less lost sheep. I was primarily responsible for myself, but my new insights made me see my own responsibility for humanity. Previously, I was more or less cast adrift, and I didn’t believe I was able to significantly improve my situation. With my new attitude, I focused my energy on conscious management of my life.
My relationships improved (except to my brother, although I came to faith because of him, but it’s another story). I revived my friendship with André. About a year after I became a committed Christian, my speech improved spontaneously (I write about it in the article “Transforming World”). When I was able to talk to people I begun my studies: first in a people’s college in Finland, then in Denmark and Germany. In 1987 I got to the University to learn German as a major subject. The second year brought Chinese to my program. I got an electric wheelchair to move faster from place to place.
At the Goethe Institute, I learned about a university in Germany with German-language translator degree programs. In addition, the university trained Chinese translators. I did not hesitate a moment to apply for studies there. Even before I became disabled I wanted to become a translator. The only problem was money, but I believed that after I had got a place, the funding for the studies would be arranged in one way or another.
(Almost) everything went as planned. André was an invaluable help, when I was settling in Germany. Our friendship, however, was like a thorn in my flesh, for over the years I had noticed that we had no real connection with each other. André emphasized that we were “just friends,” but it was indistinct what that meant. I had let myself fixate in him mentally. A part of me wanted to believe in the ideal image I had created about André during our romantic relationship. Another part of me wanted to use common sense and urged me to leave the relationship, when it was still relatively easy.
My relationship with André was like an addiction to me that I couldn’t get rid of, no matter how hard I tried. I was wishing that he would find a partner, after which our friendship would fizzle.
Although I had this kind of wish, I was devastated when André introduced me her new partner in the pig year 1995. The only thing I remember about her was, when I met her for the first time and she was explaining how funny foreigners are when they stutter with strong accent: “I Polish, I Polish.” “I Finnish, I Finnish,” I said dryly.
She was repulsive in my eyes. I did not have the slightest desire to get to know her. This shock broke up my relationship with André completely, which all in all was just a good thing. However, it took me many years to find a new balance.
In the pig year 2007 I moved to a new, bigger apartment. I had completed my studies almost 10 years earlier and did translations under my own trade name. Moving was not just a matter of material, physical world, but it was a spiritual experience for me. I felt that the new, bright space expanded my consciousness. Shortly after moving, I watched the Zeitgeist-movie, which gave my mental and spiritual growth a new approach, although the film itself was extremely distressing. I had no commitments and restraints that prevented me from thinking independently. It gave me a new sense of freedom.
We Create Our Own Reality
In 2012, I watched the Secret movie about the Law of Attraction. I became more aware of my life as a whole and begun to pay attention to the possibility of creating my reality with the power of my thoughts. I paid attention to what kind of energy I had gathered around me and what kind of energy I was creating. I took a large part of my property to a recycling center. Including my radio, which I used to open first every morning after I woke up. It was a problem because listening to the daily news brought me down, which was not a good way to start a day.
Until now I have not listened to the radio for years, but I have been watching TV. I have thought that I need to see how the world and the forces of darkness operate in order to do well-informed, topical conclusions of affairs and to choose my position. In recent months, I have begun to question this notion.
In the 1980s I had no television except for a short period of time, when my sister brought me her television. I gave it back to her, because during the time it was in my use, there was only one documentary film that I thought was worth watching.
I purchased my own telly when smart televisions came on the market and I could watch Youtube videos from there. In recent years, however, I have also watched many kinds of crime series. Now I am disturbed by the saddening feeling they left behind. I could use my time better to raise my energy level. I will concentrate on it this year and in the future.
Apostle Paul writes: “Do not get drunk with wine, which leads to reckless living, but be filled with the Spirit.” (Ephesians 5:18) This was the case, when I was “high” after I came to faith in the 1980s. My energy level, i.e. its vibrational frequency, was high.
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