I wrote in my article ‘The Battle between Material and Spiritual Wealth’ that the divine part of the subconscious mind is like a water well, hidden deep in a forest under moss, leaves and brushwood. No-one can see that under the surface layers is a well, the inexhaustible fountain of life.
The surface layers are consciousness levels of the ego. A question arises, why don’t we clean the moss and decaying layers on the top of the well, which are creations of the ego, and make our way to the well, so that we could draw unlimitedly the water from the fountain of life? We would have access to the fountain of life, if we would leave our ego with his fancy world aside.
As I woke up from a coma a long time ago, my ego was shattered into a million pieces, but my inner being was very calm and peaceful . It was such a strong feeling, that since then, I have consciously tried to get a connection with the calm and peaceful side of myself.
It began in the 1980’s as I wrote my flow of thoughts, I noticed that I was engaged in dialogue with myself. My ego was very shy and fearful. I saw dangers everywhere and my challenge was to protect myself against everything. Absolutely, never to be too gullible and trust too much in people.
This introverted, fearful attitude of mine changed dramatically during the Christmas of 1983, when I visited my brother. Some months earlier my brother had come to know Jesus and I pricked up my ears when listening very carefully to his burning confession about his new insights on the Bible. He said that the Gospel message is as simple as when you get a notification from a post office, that you have a parcel waiting to be picked up: you receive it only when you believe that the notification is real.
Your parcel won’t be received, if you don’t believe the message the post office has sent to you. The Bible and Gospel may or may not become real, when you believe that it is a fairytale. We must be aware that a fairytale has two meanings: it is either a story that is not true or a dream that responds to all wishes. The question is simply, what do we want to believe in? What do we focus on?
From my point of view this sounds very logical. Basically, it is as easy for me to believe, that Jesus laid down his life for me so that my joy may be full, as it is to believe that my mother laid down her life for me, so that my life got a better starting point. I didn’t have to reason about this at all.
When I became aware of this simple truth, my attitude towards myself and others, as well as towards life in general, changed completely. Where I used to see danger and threat, which I had to protect myself from, I saw people, who were more or less, lost in their lives. I had a strong feeling that constructive co-operation with other people would not only better my own situation, but in that way, I could have an impact on other people’s lives as well.
This new attitude changed the direction of my life: A year after I welcomed Jesus into my heart, I had a remarkable improvement in my ability to speak. After that, my life took off and my undertakings had success.
The upturn lasted for 10 years. During this period, I had a feeling that I was growing especially mentally and I found fulfilment in what I was doing. The take-off became flat flight and it was more and more difficult for me to meet my challenges. Moving forward, felt like a struggle compared with experiences when everything seemed to fall into place on its own accord. My long friendship with André fell apart and by the year 2000, I was mentally and physically in poor condition.
Nevertheless, I was able to accomplish what I expected and my struggle went on till 2012 when I asked myself: Who am I?
Now when I think about what happened to me, it is obvious: Over the years I let the ego dominate my life and I lived mostly on the ego level of self consciousness. The old water well, the fountain of life that Jesus had cleaned was covered with decomposing layers deep in the forest, because I let my ego keep control over me.
What is the divine part of this story? I have been born of God’s spirit into a body that is also a creation of God. I don’t understand what is the function of Jesus in this picture, and I don’t need to understand it. But, I understand that I, as a person changed completely during one weekend, as Jesus came into my life. The Bible says that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father except through Him. (John 14:6)
Maybe Jesus is the license code of God that we need to activate the creation (hardware and software) that He has given us to administer. I want to become the best possible version of myself and that is why I certainly want to get the license code that activates God’s creation and makes everything work together. I do not want to live my life as a demo-version on an ego consciousness level. That is why I want Jesus to renew His temple in my heart and clear my path to the fountain of life that attracts fruits of the Spirit.
It has been exactly three years since I opened this blog. This writing is my 77th blog-article. It responds to the question ‘Who am I?’